Smokey's Security Weblog

veritas odium parit

Tesco’s Head Office correspondence with a Tesco Loyalty Card customer

Allrights folks, after all terrific serious blogposts time for recreation.

Post subtitle: “Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping”

This letter was recently sent by Tesco’s Head Office to a customer in Oxford, GB:

Dear Mrs. Murray,

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.
Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s trolleys when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, ‘Code 3’ in housewares….. and watched what

5. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, ‘Why can’t you
people just leave me alone?’

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.

10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.

11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the ‘Madonna look’ using different size funnels.

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled ‘PICK ME!’ ‘PICK ME!’

13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,assumed the foetal position and screamed ‘NO! NO! It’s those voices again.’

And; last, but not least:

14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, ‘There is no toilet paper in here.’

Yours sincerely,

Charles Brown
Store Manager

With thanks to Smokey’s Security Forums/The Gorilla for providing me with this Tesco correspondence.



April 29, 2008 - Posted by | Friends, News, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , ,


  1. i just came here from: 🙂

    Comment by T-C | April 30, 2008 | Reply

  2. OMG is this real or has it been made up for a laugh??

    its soo funy n if it is reakl i feel sorry for the lady

    Comment by Joanne.baybee | December 1, 2008 | Reply

  3. That has got to be the funniest thing ive heard in a long time,
    sounds like somethign me and my pals would do

    Comment by hazel | May 13, 2009 | Reply

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